Day 2 Love

Love is choosing what is best for another no matter what it means for me.

When I think about this in my own relationship, sometimes it brings me pain. I look back at the times that I told my girlfriend that I wanted "this" for her simply because it was better for me.

Sometimes when we love someone so much, we fear more than anything that we may lose them. Toward the end of my relationship, I did this. While many times I ignored her and didn't show her how much I truly loved her, there were many times when I told her I didn't her to do something because I didn't want to lose her. I made the selfish decision that "my pleasure and happiness is more important than you being happy." This alone put extreme pain in my heart and mind. How could I tell my girlfriend that I loved her so much, but then stop her from doing the things that made her happy? I couldn't. I was looking solely for my own happiness.

Yes I was truly in love with her, but I made my love into a jealous and controlling love. That is not what true love is. Looking back, I have realized that my want to be happy pushed her to make the decisions she did. When someone feels love, it is an extremely powerful feeling. It is a feeling that no matter what happens in your life, it will all be ok because there is someone there to catch you. There is always someone that will sit and just be there for you no matter what happens. During the best part of our relationship, I felt like life could never be better. She was in love with me and simply seeing her smile made me forget about the world. The feeling of her kiss on my cheek was enough to make any bad feeling go away. When you are that in love with someone, it doesn't even need to be said, it is showed.

I miss, more than anything else in the world, the feeling of my best friend's love. There are days when I feel that I have lost something that will never be replaced. I no longer had those text messages that simply said "I love you, babe" or that sweet kiss that non verbally said "I'm here, it will be ok" This is a scary feeling.

I have over time figured out that God is the only one that will always love me, and I know that this is true. If I could give any advice here, I would say love God. Let his love be your strength. I miss my girlfriend so much everyday, and I don't know when that will ever change, but I know God loves me. His love is so powerful that when I choose to let Him love me, I can feel it surround me. Now all I do is hope. I do not expect, but hope that God will bring her back to me. I still love her and I pray that one day that love will be returned again.

God grant me strength in coping with my feelings of being unloved. I know that You are always here and always loving. Please Father God help me focus my eyes on you and envelope me with your infinite love. Grant me peace in the present time. I ask for your special prayers for my ex girlfriend, that she may realize the mistakes she is making with her own life. I also ask that you bring her back into my life. God you are all powerful and I trust in your mercy and forgiveness.

God Bless,
Chris

Letting Go

Letting Go

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring; it Means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off; it’s the Realization I can’t control another.

To “let go” is not enable, but to allow Learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which Means the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame Another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about. To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another To be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle, arranging All the outcomes, but to allow others to affect Their own destinies.

To “let go” is not to be protective, it’s to permit Another to face reality.

To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.

To “let go” is not to nag, scold, or argue, but Instead to search out my own shortcomings And correct them.

To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my Desires, but to take each day as it comes and Cherish myself in it.

To “let go” is not the regret the past, but to Grow and live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less and love more. 

-Author Unknown

Day 1 Acceptance

When we lose someone in our life, it feels like that person was ripped from our hearts. There is a hole left in our hearts where they used to be and it is constantly bleeding. We try and beg and plead for them to give us a second chance. We make false promises. We use any form of manipulation we can possibly find.

Ask yourself this. If you were in their position, would you believe or even want to listen to anything that they are saying to you? Probably not. We learn at a very young age how to manipulate. When we didn't get what we wanted as a baby, what did we do? We cried. This is the most simple form of manipulation, making someone feel bad for you. Do you want your ex to come back to you because they feel sorry for you? Or do you want your ex to come back to you because they love you? 

So when you lose this significant other in your life, the first thing you MUST do is accept it. Accept that the relationship is over. Think about it this way, when you buy something and it breaks in the first day, do you take it back to the store looking for another broken one? No you look for a brand new one. That is the way you must look at this relationship. It was broken. If you ever want anything back, you must look for a new start. 

So for the first day of this blog, I want you to do a few things:

1. Accept the break up for what it is. This is done in your own heart. The dumper need not know. Just accept it.
2. Break all contact. This is a MUST. You are completely lost. You have no idea what is going on in your life right now. Is that even remotely attractive? No. Please, I beg that you just drop off the face of the earth in this person's eyes. NO CONTACT at all. Do not make the mistakes that I made. I will tell you later for how long, but for now, and maybe another 2 or 3 weeks, no contact. 
3. Relax and hope. If you read my previous post, you will understand why. Hope is the only way you can feel good about what will happen in the future. Let hope shine.
4. PRAY ask God to guide you to do what is best for you and your ex. He will.
5. Call your best friend and have them come pick you up. RIGHT NOW. Talk to them and tell them everything that you are feeling. If you hold it in then you will hurt yourself. 
6. Follow me on this blog. I have been through this. I know how to fix it. Even though I have not fixed it myself, its because I can not listen to my own advice. DO NOT listen to anyone else right now and please do not listen to your heart. Yes everyone says follow your heart, but right now your heart has a big hole in it. It wants anything and everything that will make it feel whole again. This blog will teach you patience, because it moves day by day on what you need to do.
7. Dream. Everything that happens in this world starts with a dream. Do you think that people just wake up one day and do? No. They make a dream in their mind and they follow it. Follow your dream.

Remember hope is only lost when you choose to let it go. Is there still a chance? That completely depends upon you. If you believe that there is still a chance then there absolutely is one.

God Bless

Chris

Day 1 Hope Through All Doubt

Have you ever felt like no matter how much you want something, it just feels so impossible to obtain? I know you have. Everyone does. Even with some of the smallest and easiest tasks in the world, our mind has a way of putting doubt in our decisions. Doubt is one of the biggest obstacles when trying to reach a dream. It puts fears in our mind such as "what if I fail?" "what if it just doesn't work?" "what if she never comes back?" and we have no way of fighting them. They eat away at our minds every time we feel good about a situation. Personally, I attribute doubt to the works of the devil. He is the one being that wants nothing more than to see us crash and burn. He is good at it.

How do we fight it? We use a thing called hope.
Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. -definition
Hope is the opposite of doubt. We use hope to cope with the doubt we may be feeling in our hearts. However, often times, that doubt envelopes our whole minds and lets no sign of hope shine through. This is a problem that all humans face. We have hope for a short time, and then the fear of what may happen starts taking over. In my opinion, for every pebble of hope, there is a boulder of doubt. For every good thought we have, there are a million bad thoughts that want to fight it. 


From the beginning, this has been my biggest problem. Everyday I wake up and tell myself that today will be better. Today I am going to be better. For about 20 minutes I let myself feel amazing, and then I let the doubt enter:

• will she ever want me again?
• will I ever be happy again?
• why did she move on so fast?
• does she really love this guy?
• does she still think about me?
• millions more...

Especially today, after making my final decision to let go, I have dwelled all day on the consequences that they may bring. I fear what may happen and I don't even let the hope show.

Let hope shine
Today I choose to let go of my doubt for a better future. I don't know if I will ever be back with this girl, but I will let my heart hold on to that hope. I choose to let go of the doubt that I have been holding on to and put my full hope and faith in the awesome power of my God. I do not know his plans, but I know he has one for me and my hope is that someday it will be with this girl and that I will get my best friend back.

Lord I pray today for hope. That you may grant me peace in a better future. I trust in your plan for me. I trust that you put this girl in my life for a reason. I do not know why yet, but I will when you want me to know. I pray that she will come back to me when the time is perfect.

Just to specify for all. It is not bad to ask for something or someone back. God will hear your prayer and He will answer it. Not always in the way we expected, but He will. I want more than anything to get this girl back, but i must accept that if it is not His will then He will show me.

Have hope
Chris

Background

About 2 months ago, I lost the girl that I thought I would marry. She was everything that I ever wanted in a girl. We dated for 10 months and were absolute best friends for 3 months before she decided she wanted to date me. After 3 months she told me that she loved me, and after 6 months, she told me she was in love with me. We very rarely fought, but when we did, we were very quick to diffuse it and move on. We chose not to have sex from the very beginning and made promises to each other. Close to the end, I began to take her for granted. She would ask me to just be with her and watch a movie or something and I simply told myself that I didn't need to, she won't leave me. Well that came back to bite me. We broke up a month and a half later.

It destroyed me. She told me that she just wasn't attracted to me anymore, and very quickly found a new guy to replace me. I can't say if it was purely for comfort, or if she was truly happy. They moved very quickly in their relationship to the point of having sex. She got back into drinking and let God fall out of her life. It was hard and still is hard to accept that she has already chosen to move on, but what hurts most is that she is making decisions she promised me she would never make again. God helped me pull her out of a hole in her life before, and she is falling back into that hole again.

It is true that you never realize what you have until its gone.

I'm starting this blog because as I was thinking today, God sent me a sign. I was on stumbleupon of all places and I clicked stumble. There in big bold letters on the next page it said "LET GO AND LET GOD." Well I knew I needed to do this a long time before, but I asked God to give me a sign and here it was. So to help cope with the pain my heart feels right now, I want to make this blog to maybe give anyone else hope as they need it.

I am making this blog to accomplish 3 things:
1) I need it for myself to express my feelings and get them off my mind
2) I am a bit of a relationship expert and have helped many of my friends with their ex's so I want to impart some knowledge
3) To give others hope for the future and let them see the power of God

God Bless,
Chris

God grant me patience and strength to cope with the loss of the one I loved and still love.