Love is choosing what is best for another no matter what it means for me.
When I think about this in my own relationship, sometimes it brings me pain. I look back at the times that I told my girlfriend that I wanted "this" for her simply because it was better for me.
Sometimes when we love someone so much, we fear more than anything that we may lose them. Toward the end of my relationship, I did this. While many times I ignored her and didn't show her how much I truly loved her, there were many times when I told her I didn't her to do something because I didn't want to lose her. I made the selfish decision that "my pleasure and happiness is more important than you being happy." This alone put extreme pain in my heart and mind. How could I tell my girlfriend that I loved her so much, but then stop her from doing the things that made her happy? I couldn't. I was looking solely for my own happiness.
Yes I was truly in love with her, but I made my love into a jealous and controlling love. That is not what true love is. Looking back, I have realized that my want to be happy pushed her to make the decisions she did. When someone feels love, it is an extremely powerful feeling. It is a feeling that no matter what happens in your life, it will all be ok because there is someone there to catch you. There is always someone that will sit and just be there for you no matter what happens. During the best part of our relationship, I felt like life could never be better. She was in love with me and simply seeing her smile made me forget about the world. The feeling of her kiss on my cheek was enough to make any bad feeling go away. When you are that in love with someone, it doesn't even need to be said, it is showed.
I miss, more than anything else in the world, the feeling of my best friend's love. There are days when I feel that I have lost something that will never be replaced. I no longer had those text messages that simply said "I love you, babe" or that sweet kiss that non verbally said "I'm here, it will be ok" This is a scary feeling.
I have over time figured out that God is the only one that will always love me, and I know that this is true. If I could give any advice here, I would say love God. Let his love be your strength. I miss my girlfriend so much everyday, and I don't know when that will ever change, but I know God loves me. His love is so powerful that when I choose to let Him love me, I can feel it surround me. Now all I do is hope. I do not expect, but hope that God will bring her back to me. I still love her and I pray that one day that love will be returned again.
God grant me strength in coping with my feelings of being unloved. I know that You are always here and always loving. Please Father God help me focus my eyes on you and envelope me with your infinite love. Grant me peace in the present time. I ask for your special prayers for my ex girlfriend, that she may realize the mistakes she is making with her own life. I also ask that you bring her back into my life. God you are all powerful and I trust in your mercy and forgiveness.
God Bless,
Chris
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